I miss the back porch

I have a front stoop, but people sell drugs from it. Sometimes the lady downstairs pours water on it so they can't sit on it. I once found a thumbnail sized ziplock baggie with a dolphin on it and some white residue inside on our front stoop. Every now and then someone driving by will see me on the stoop and say, "Yo, let me get a gram of the dolphin, compadre," and I'll have to say, "Hold on, I think you're looking for Javier. He lives around back."