liveblog: atlanta international airport

11:31. i arrived in Atlanta about an hour ago; i still have just a shade under 7 hours until my connecting flight leaves for Prague. i rode the cool little light rail train to Concourse E and situated myself at a Wi Fi Hot Spot in the food court. Atlanta is totally aware that it's 2009 and the internet should be ubiquitous and free. Awesome.

There are so many delicious food options around, I don't know what to choose for My Last Meal (in America). Arby's v. Qdoba? My brain isn't equipped to handle such challenges.

11:33. it is Hot As Fuck in this airport. I want to take my pants off. The man sitting opposite me is housing a tasty-looking quesadilla. One point for Qdoba.

11:35. Just realized my overheatedness may be due to the tall, thick socks I am wearing.

11:35:30. There is a badass player piano in this food court.

11:37. How early is too early to have a beer? I think general opinion would say noon. I say, as early as you are awake. JFK International Airport told me at 6:30 am, Friday December 19th that "the bar doesn't open until 8 am." Embarassing.

11:49. Just started thinking about how awesome it will be to have my NES in my apartment in Prague. No matter decade or location, having a Nintendo will always make you cool.

12:01. Some people are having beers across the way. I may make a move.

12:08. I am very bored. I am running out of people to stalk on the facebook.

12:10. There are two food court employees speaking to each other. One is on the phone, and the other is dictating a phone number for the person on the phone to relay to the person on the other end. Repeatedly. This gentleman has literally recited this same phone number 10 times at least. And he's also saying "fo" for the number four. I thought this only happened in movies.

12:21. Lunch break. I've decided on Qdoba. Chicken queso burrito, here I come. See you in a few.

12:52. If they don't have burritos in heaven, I'm not going.

12:53. The phone numbers gentleman commented on my "old school Nintendo. I think we're buds now.

1:25. Time is moving very slowly. There are tons of pilots wandering around this food court: wheeling their little suitcases, eating tasty food court foods and removing and replacing their pilot hats and jackets. This makes me nervous. I don't think the pilots should be mingling with the common folk. They should be segregated so they can focus on flying the airplanes.

1:42. Two people across from me are talking on walkie talkie phones. Presumably not to each other but I wouldn't put it past them. I don't get it. Can't you just call the person? Anyway, walkie talkies are cool until you're 12, and after that they're really fucking annoying.

2:10. Most pilots' hats look like they are three or four sizes too big for their heads.

2:22. The My Morning Jacket song I was enjoying just stopped very abruptly and prematurely. The next song was "In the Ayer" by Flo Rida. Scared the shit out of me. I nearly fell off my cha-yer.

2:42. More pilots. Pilots everywhere. One has Ohio sports team stickers all over his little pilot suitcase. Ohio is cool because, much like you can tell how far a star is from the earth by taking two measurements, six months apart, you can tell what part of Ohio someone is from by knowing at least two of the sports teams they support. The Bengals and Ohio University? Clearly south. Ohio State and the Browns? Columbus and North. I'm not sure how Columbus splits - who goes for the Bengals and who goes for the Browns? Ohio State and the Steelers - though rare - can signal Youngstown.

2:47. In the song "Panama," it really sounds like David Lee Roth is saying "Animal."

3:05. A while ago I switched the language setting on my facebook to "Pirate," and now I have no idea what is going on. It took me like three weeks to realize "betrothed" meant engaged. I'm tempted to change it back, but I like how it records time with shots of rum.

3:51. I forgot I was doing this for a few minutes. I realized that everyone I know is getting engaged or is already married. WTF? I mean, to each his own, but when did this happen? I feel like we just finished high school ten minutes ago.

4:14. Just saw someone with a killer-looking taco salad. Maybe I made the wrong choice.

4:25. I'm so tired. I just want to get on the plane so I can pass out.

4:40. No one is online for chatting purposes. I wish this internet connection would allow me to use G mail.

4:43. An old lady just bent down and picked up a penny I dropped earlier that landed heads down. Sucker.

5:07. I'm going to pack it in soon. Here's what I've learned about Atlanta in my eight or so hours here. People here have way cooler haircuts. There are lots of members of the armed forces skulking around, and pilots. Way more Spanish speakers than your average Pennsylvania town. The food courts are far classier than most airports. Owning a Nintendo can help if your social skills struggle. Like any honest American town, there's a TGI Fridays. Smoothies are gross. And free internet is freedom.

Peace be with yinz.

new years playlist

as we were braving the sudden winter storm that attacked pittsburgh on this fine new years eve, j robb and i discussed the viability of a new years playlist. i decided to undertake this challenge only to realize that the number of songs that directly refer to new years is rather small and that you can only stretch non-literal references to the change of the calendar so far (unless you want a list with a ton of songs along the lines of "A Long December" by the Counting Crows). and anyway, that's boring!

so my new years playlist is "resolution" themed, so all the songs refer to resolutions i will attempt to make and keep in the year 2009.


Song: Everyday I Write the Book - Elvis Costello
Resolution: I will write a book.

Song: Amsterdam - Peter, Bjorn and John
Resolution: I will start seriously looking into ways to live in my favorite city in Europe.

Songs: Grand Canyon - Magnetic Fields, Washington DC - Magnetic Fields, Chicago - Sufjan Stevens, No Sleep Til Brooklyn - The Beastie Boys, Tennessee Sucks - Ryan Adams
Resolution: I will go on a Great American Roadtrip.

Song: The Legionnaire's Lament - The Decemberists
Resolution: I will expand my vocabulary with words like "laudanum," "fecundity," and "charabanc."

Song: The New Workout Plan - Kanye West
Resolution: I will finally get in shape.

Song: Elevator - Flo Rida featuring Timbaland
Resolution: I will start taking the stairs.

Song: Love is Like a Rock - Donnie Iris
Resolution: I will listen to more "homegrown" artists.

Song: After the Goldrush - Neil Young
Resolution: I will give up on this whole "panning for gold" get-rich-quick thing.

Song: Cherchez La Ghost - Ghostface Killah
Resolution: I will learn French.

Song: Spiderwebs - No Doubt
Resolution: I will change the message on my answering machine.

Song: So Fresh, So Clean - Outkast
Resolution: I will try to bathe every day.

Song: Pussy Galore - The Roots
Resolution: I will catch up on all the old Bond movies I've yet to see.

Song: It's Not Easy Being Green - Kermit the Frog
Resolution: I'll start looking into sustainable sources of energy and becoming more environmentally conscious.

Song: Step into My Office, Baby - Belle and Sebastian
Resolution: I will stop sleeping with my secretary.

Song: Got Ya Money - Ol' Dirty Bastard
Resolution (well, not really): God give us strength to continue living on this planet another year without ODB.

Here's to 2009!

Love, Jen

Pens Pens Pens Period 3

It's intermiss.

Vernon Davis getting drafted makes people cry.

Probably me...but it's complicated.

Belt Massagers make you strong.

Down 3-2 it's not ideal...in the meanwhile I crafted the getting tall imagery.

I want nachos...from Yankee Stadium.

Third Period Has begun after watching Janne Pesonen, Fiesta Mexicana, and the Colby Armstrong A & L Motors videos.

Bullshit penalty on the Pens, it looked real weak.

GDS sucks. I went inside to urinate one time and the bouncer pulled me by my hood. It was rude and they're racist there anyhow.

St. Pierre goal...Adam Oates style.

Pens down 4-2 it sucks.

Shoe-shi.

Rainbow Warrior.

www.chriscooleypenis.com/

www.clownpenis.fart/

Robb won't let me.

Tim Thomas might be a beast though Topaz won't trade me for him. He is a big cry baby and always tries to low-ball on trades. It's pretty sweet, I've taught him well.

Graham live blogging by the way.

Summer Heights High is a real solid show for those that have HBO access. Stop looking at my dick sir.

Pens keep getting served up on penalties.

Ankney is the best at sleeping...this game seems to be pretty well over. It's 5-2. KO (Kill ourselves).

Dustin Jeffrey is a young pup though he is believed to have a fair amount of heart.

www.tradesidneycrosby.com/

www.tradebenroethlisberger.com/startbyronleftwich

Billionaires don't buy shots, that's how they're so rich.

Sobotka. Sucks.

Ruslan Fedotenko = Mike Topaz

Garbage Time is Kitna Time - Robb, the worst fantasy football manager.

Rise over Run.

FECE went after Mark Cuban.

This game is such bummer sauce.

General Cornrow Wallace. Pretty tough manned up on Milan Lucic. He is a joke.

Rubbing Robb's computer with my fingers is actually fun.

This game has been rather disappointing. The Bruins are a pretty solid team, but not the best effort tonight.

Blogging is back.

Courtney Anderson for Alge Crumpler. Double Touchdowns.

Pens Game Live Blog!

So it's already 12:11 in the third. We're way behind on liveblogging. We had bigger priorities, like going to the booze store.

J Robb and Topaz are comparing and contrasting Pinot Noir vs. Shiraz. All are boxed.

"I like the extra dry body of the Shiraz." -Topaz is becoming... what do you call someone who knows shit about wine? A wino?

"These glasses have to be at least 5 or 6 oz. No way we're drinking 3 oz... that'd be a fucking Capri Sun. Or Robb's white wine glass that he's drinking red wine out of." - Paz

So... the Pens. They are down 3-2 after a busy second period. Nothing exciting has happened yet in the third, or maybe no one has been paying attention.

The Pens are not playing outside on New Years this year. Stupid. No one likes the Red Wings.

Unfortunately, T Mill isn't here to yell "Where are the Dockers commercials?"

I have never heard Topaz sound so refined AND sophisticated.

The Pens are finally on a power play.

Goal! Goligoski. "Goal"igoski. Things are all tied up now. Alex now has two goals tonight.

We're discussing team nicknames.

Jen: Does Goligoski have a nickname?
T: Alex.
G: Dupuis' nickname is Dupeezy.
T: According to the Pens its "Dupes."

7:04 left. Discussing Stover's recent trip to the gym in Sq. Hill. He enjoys the sauna with the old naked Jewish men.

"If I had to take a survey on living in a Jewish neighborhood, I'd definitely write "Yes, I'd recommend this to a friend." -Topaz

Fleury just made a nice save.

A question has arisen: why did they call it Squirrel Hill? A wikipedia search was commissioned but was unsuccessful. We also couldn't find a list of the funniest google searches. We're guessing "boobs" is up there.

Someone who has more expertise at googling should be manning the room's internet portal.

Topaz just used the word "bogus." Then a joke was called out by everyone that I didn't understand. I'm so out of the loop.

"Jen, there's this great show called Summer Height's High..." -Alicia
"HA HA! Did that just start with there's this great show?" -Topaz.

9 seconds left. See you in overtime.

peace one, jen g out.

Christmas Week update

I figured I'd just add a post since I'm lounging around the 5534 waiting for the Comcast man to arrive...the most important note to add at present is that the Wu-Tang show at Mr. Smalls is this Friday. Several members of the 5534 will be in attendance, provided that Topaz's fireproof safe is truly a good place to store tickets and not in fact the first place that burglars would ransack.



Anyway, the occasion of the show brings back an interesting question that I've debated on multiple occasions: who is the greatest Wu-Tang member? I've found that as time goes by, For the sake of argument, I'll choose to limit this to original members (and not Redman, Graham). As a reminder, this would include: RZA, GZA, Method Man, Inspectah Deck, U-God, Ghostface Killah, Raekwon, Masta Killa, and last, but not least, the dearly departed Dirty. That eliminates Cappadonna, though I'd find it hard to believe someone wouldn't rate him above Masta Killa, being that his biggest contribution to the group might be this song, which is utterly stolen by a posthumous rant from Dirty at the very beginning.

So that will be the task to get down to. Ideally, there will be some follow-up posts this week taking you, the reader, through the thought process as we count down to the number 1. Get ready for the garment renaissance.

As always, I invite commentary in the form of blog posts (if you're a 5534 member) or respond below. Now back to the task of pilfering music on year-end top ten lists.

I miss the back porch

I have a front stoop, but people sell drugs from it. Sometimes the lady downstairs pours water on it so they can't sit on it. I once found a thumbnail sized ziplock baggie with a dolphin on it and some white residue inside on our front stoop. Every now and then someone driving by will see me on the stoop and say, "Yo, let me get a gram of the dolphin, compadre," and I'll have to say, "Hold on, I think you're looking for Javier. He lives around back."

Steelers live blog First Half.

I hate our internet.

Stupid we had a bunch of live blog going on, but mega burn from Comcast assholes.

Ankney we need FIOS.

Fink is here laying on the living room, little does he realize how infrequently we vacuum there. He definitely fought about it.

Cialis In Action

Survey of Great Significance

I have been conducting a survey for a few months now. The sample size is probably about 10 females between the ages of 18 and 24. I ask two questions.

1. Who is your favorite Steeler?
2. Who is your least favorite Steeler?

More often than not the second question must be re-phrased because they "love all the Steelers." So I would then say...

2a. Who breaks your heart most often?



According to the graph, two then selected Ben, an understandable choice because he really blew a few games last year. One chose Kordell whose last season with the Steelers was 2002 and who hasn't played professional football at all since 2005. A surprise by all means. The other seven just love all the Steelers. I propose that the only three Steelers that matter are Troy, Ben and Hines. No one picked Fast Willie, Casey Hampton or Skippy, not even the punter Sepulveda, who is supposed to really be the most. Maybe it is because of the marketing and spiffy pink jerseys, or maybe they don't pay enough attention to be able to name any other players. What about the William Gay's, Nate Washington's, The Dump Truck's, and Heath for crying out loud!?!?

Watch out for The Dump Truck though, he's coming.

DON'T GO IN THE BASEMENT IN THE...

Stanley Cup Finals Game Four Liveblog - Period Two

TMill said "I am tired of blogging. I think I'm having a heart attack." So I am taking over.

Intermission update: Stover and Ankey are undefeated for the night at Baggo. They have just beaten TMill and Topaz, and earlier beat myself and Alicia quite handedly.

Chewning said to Jeff: "You are knocking me OUT with those American thighs."

TMill is missing a sweet Dockers commercial.


2nd period.

There's heavy discussion about whether or not it is currently a comfortable temperature in the living room. J Robb claims the air conditioner is on, but I can't hear it. Apparently this cooling device can "kick the jams."

Chewning has provided the 2nd period haiku:

Jaarko Ruutu is
provoking the RedWings team
This is Pens hockey.

"There's only one commercial, and it's heaven. That Dockers commercial is why I believe in God." -TMill

Gary Roberts is a beast.

Jordan Staal called for interference. Unfortunately for him, he's not Gunnar Stahl from D2: The Mighty Ducks. Gunnar could murder someone and not get called.

13:38 some people are getting Hossa-fied.

The Redwings positioning is tremendous..... That's what she said.

Alicia tried to liveblog and came up with one senseless sentence.

There is a creepy baby commercial on TV right now.

The guys are comparing sports stars to superheroes. Superman is Brett Favre. PacMan Jones is Dr. Octogon. Roger Clemens is the Riddler because "for every question, he asks another question."

Two important questions that have arisen:
Are there any superheroes who are hispanic so Sammy Sosa can be one?
Could Zeus be considered a superhero?

New nickname for Gary Roberts: "Gare Bear"
courtesy of Chewning.

6:40 there has been no actual game coverage in this liveblog.

The Penguins are knocking on the door.

Nice save by Fleury.

"Clink for Dockers."

We decided Malkin hosting SNL in Russian would be funnier than normal SNL in English.

3:01. nothing is happening with this power play.

I've lost the liveblog fire. No score in the second.

The third period is going to be the most important 20 hockey minutes of our lives thusfar.

peace one, JenG out.

Stanley Cup Finals Game Four Liveblog - Period One

What up tho'....Tmil at the helm. My first mate Jenny GGGGGGGG.


GOAL!!!!!!!! SLUTS!!!!!! Hossa just killed their face. Detriot BASKETBALL!!!!!! SUCKS!!

This just in Chris Osgood hasn't been good since 1989, ask Gary Roberts.

Graham: "Get your beers down, hossa just railed Osgood."
- Graham only said some of that.

Pens white outs are awesome, I've always been down with rainbows outs, but that hasn't caught on yet.

15:44 1st period - Hossa is going nuts. He wants to get paid. Off the post, Osgood is getting Hossa-fied.

14:56 1st period - Cleary is a dirty diver, not as fat as Holmstrom.

Chewning - all of detriots team is over weight as fuck.

Lidstrom just hit a puck 900 mph, score 1-1. Really disappointing goal.

Osgood is the biggest diver ever, im pretty sure manu is the goalie.

The edge eclipse commercial in on, its the greatest rave ever. Tons of broads, no ankney's in sight.

Robb said I can't look at porn, but he didn't say anything about pictures of Brian Westbrook shirtless...he's fat.. trust me

Jeff Ankney is talking about girls, wait, i meant grills. (that joke isnt funny at all) but jeff ankney is funny.

I think Jean Claude Van Dame is the goalie tonight for the pens, just in case.

I wish I was wearing Dockers. Dockers are awesome. I want to party with the edge eclipse girls, in san fran, wearing dockers, but no ankney's, maybe Jayson, he seems to rock out.

Dockers is sponsoring the 4 Impact Players of the Game, best advertising ever.

10:57 - Pens power play. Hossa is having a great game. Osgood is starting to look pregnant, Hossa-fied. Great save by Osgood, Hossa and Roberts were right there. Great power play, though no goals. Malkin should try shooting a little bit more, passed up too many good looks.

Little kids are really annoying. You should have to pass a sports IQ test to get tickets.

The US Girls soccer commercial is on. Way to go, you got hammered by Brazil, what else is new.
Jen- are they suggesting they drove to brazil. Answer - they are lesbians.

Jeff ankney has never watched soccer, but he loves Jerome Bettis, ask him.

Jen - Jeff Ankney has never seen Rambo or the Godfather movies, Chewning tried to kill him. Dont worry, jeff loves Jerome Bettis.

The Love Guru looks like Aunt Rachel, from Family Matters, according to Chewning. Personally, Step by Step is the realness.

Robb hates Kid Rock, but did a rap about Kid Rock. Jeff Ankney saw Kid Rock in concert, he loves Kid Rock.

Stover has a haiku:
this is my emphany that I dedicate to the future hat trick of Ruutu and NHL Sega 96....

Hoss-a-with-Moss-a
Oct-to-pus-taste-like-pee-wee
berr-ies-taste-like-pens

-good fight, good night

Orpik was facewashing a red wing with a giant 4 legged octopus.

Hossa is easily the best player on the ice right now, he must be trying out for the Red Wings next year, considering no one else will be able to afford him.

Casper apparently wasn't the ghost with the most, it might have been BeetleJuice (stacey loves Beetle juice). Apparently Casper never talked about how much ghost he was.

End of the first period, tied 1-1.