Pens' Genitalia

so the pens beat the rangers and are now in the eastern conference finals with the flyers. they are the best team in the league and are primed for a run at the cup. this has led me to conclude that they all have above average size weiners. but this begs an important question: who has the biggest penis on the pens? due to the gravity of this question, i'll be doing a multi day post on some of the most prominent pens and their penis factors. i'll ultimately reveal my answer to the question, and then we'll have a vote to see what everyone else thinks.

I have a rough formula for determining a man's penis size without actually seeing the package. Basically, the taller, thinner and blacker, the bigger. The smaller, fatter and more asian, the smaller. Of course, there are other intangibles that must be thrown into the mix.

So here's my quick rundown of the most likely candidates:

First off, none other than Sidney Crosby. He's young, healthy and sexy. He's an all around hero so he seems to have a lot going for his dick size at the surface. However, 5'11" and 200 pounds with a stalky build and huge powerful man-ass, plus Canadian?? No way he's got the biggest junk on the team.
Grade: 7.25"

Moving on, an older gentleman. Gary (Scary/G-Bobs) Roberts. Roberts is downright tough. No one questions that. With that kind of confidence, you know he's packing. Roberts has surpising size, 6'2" and 215 pounds, which leads me to think he has good penis size. Now I would normally say that since he's old, maybe it's shrunk up a bit, but not with Roberts. Roberts is so old and tough that he actually gets the elusive "Dad penis" factor, giving him at least 2 more inches than any normal estimate.
Grade: 9.10"

Last of all, for this post, Brooks Orpik. Orpik stands tall at 6'2, but his 219 pounds make him a bit too chubby to really let his boners rage. Even though he's tough, he is fairly middle aged. Plus he's a pretty regular looking white guy from California, so although his dick may be tan and experienced, it can't be the biggest on this big swinging roster.
Grade: 7.00"

Next time's penises: Hall, Malkin and Malone.