Thursday night

More like, TBS night. Oh damn son, anti-dentite episode on Seinfeld. So I thought I would do a little blogging tonight, since I got nothing going on. Dwight Howard's slam dunk contest commercial with Jameer (my college player of the year trophy is bigger than me) Nelson is hilarious. I can't believe I'm saying this out loud, but TNT's basketball show is actually better with Charles Barkley not on it. I'm not even kidding. Chris Webber is really good, but Kenny Smith and Gary Payton are super funny together. I think its because they are both loud mouths that were better in college than in the NBA (GP was actually a great pro). But seriously, let me get on my non-jockmockery soap box and dish out this nugget, C-web and GP are better than Barkley on that show. The show just runs better.

Speaking of Turner television...I just realized 3 of my 4 blogs have been about Mr. Turner, oh well, I still hate the Braves, suck on that Otis Nixon. So I watched that show on TNT about the ad executives..It stars the dude from ED (lawyer bowler show) and the dude from Will and Grace. I thought it might be cool, but it sucked. I'm definately watching it again, but it was horrible.

On Yahoo! today, I saw some story about a boy, who dressed like a girl in order to take a test in school, and I was thinking, "DAMN JEFFE, YOU A FREAK!" Dont worry, he'll never read this.

peace one

Tuesday night

I think I'm old. Judging by my lifestyle, I might be 50. I love watching TBS. Its all I watch. Its like a buffet of funny TV. Want some Friends, ok...how about some Seinfeld, well thank you very much.....The Office, cha ching. There was a point in my life when I wanted to get a beer and see people, but now a days, its more about seeing my old friends at Sex and the City. Carrie Bradshaw, you make me feel like a real person.

So I noticed Andy Roddick is like super skinny. One of two things happenned, either he is a vegan or is dating a super model, and now throws up and only drinks red bull. I think we both (i say both because, to be honest, I doubt anyone really reads this) know the answer. Plus, Roddick looks like a red bull type of guy, probably one of those coffee flavored one. Jeffe really likes the coffee flavored ones. Jeffe sucks. He'll never read this.

Peace one

Week in Review

Stover - what was the last post? I dont get it..is it a paid advertisement for your friday night?

You are right Jen, I'm the lone poster alive, the last gunman for the Raleigh Blogosphere.

So I thought a week in review post should be added to my posting resume, so here's the week in review.....IN HAIKU FORMAT.



Voted Obama
Everyone get gay married
Whatever, Jeffe

Penguins blow balls
Pittsburgh Pirates play hockey?
Nate McClouth can't skate

Drunk Charles Barkley
Sir Charles wanted blow job
Kenny Smith jealous

Depression coming?
Give me money! I'm starving
Sell Body, get paid

Birthdays are real cool
Parents bang, getting laid, YIKES!
Joe Namath, not dad

Topaz, monkey brains
Killing zombies, tanks too tough
Get Bill, eat the drugs

Super Bowl Rally

Who wants to go?!
Steelers fans can attend a free Super Bowl pep rally hosted by the team at Heinz Field on Friday.

Here's the schedule:

• 3 p.m. - Stadium lots and Carnegie Science Center lots open ($5 parking)
• 3 - 7 p.m. - WDVE 102.5 live broadcast (Coca-Cola Great Hall)
• 5 - 7 p.m. - KISS 96.1 live broadcast (Coca-Cola Great Hall)
• 5 p.m. - Gates A and B open
• 5:40 p.m. - Pittsburgh Poison All-Stars Dance Team perform
• 5:45 p.m. - South Fayette marching band performs
• 6 p.m. - Concert by The Clarks
• 7 p.m. - Rally begins; Dusty Drake sings "The 12th Man;" Steelers and local dignitaries on stage
• 8:05 p.m. - Pittsburgh Fan Club performance - "Here We Go"
• 8:10 p.m. - Rally ends

Come and test your luck at Blackjack, Poker, & Roulette

$2 Drinks 5-7pm
Free Buffet @ 6pm
B94 broadcasting the party live.
More info at http://www.sportsrockcafepgh.com

LIVE BLOG WITH SPECIAL GUEST

What up sucka fools!!!! Live blog, sounds like a date to me. Special guest Stacey Barron, MD, on the ones and twos.

Ankney called me, he's gay...stop calling me.

So I'm in the Illadelphia half life watching "da birds" with super fan 81 (thats TO for the philly rookies) Figured I should live blog.

Joe Buck is dumb, I hate FOX sports.

Edge James is looking real good early on. Call him MR. 4.2, cause he's getting his average on.

Stacey is screaming, ouch, my ears are killing me. The Eagles have no idea how to stop blitzing, ESPN reported Kurt Warner is great at killing the blitz, which makes no sense, cause he is slow and looks like his wife. I think ESPN should have stated, "fitz and bouldin are great at killing the blitz."

The Lebron James commercial sucks so much. Number 23 playing receiver? Is his last name "Lebron?" I didnt realize he is asian? Stacey didn't get it, just got it. Maybe she is asian.

Stacey wont stop clapping..wait she just did, only to yell at DeSean Jackson. She just clapped again.

Stacey makes a better wall than window, I can't watch any plays. McNabb INT, what else is new, but then Jackson (see above) forced the cardinals to fumble...Stacey loves DeSean Jackson.

Greg Lewis isn't dating a playboy model, Hank Baskett isn't very good, but him and Cole Hamel have one thing in common, they both bang fake boobs.

CLAPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CLAP CLAP CLAP.....GO GO GO!!!

Some dude for the cardinals last name is Laboy. I bet he doesn't like showering with Laman, if you catch my joke.

I'm really good at live blogging.

Akers missed, I guess it was too warm for his leg. He should try Matt Stover's yoga kick style.

Cardinal cheerleaders are sluts - SLB

Trick play, circa 2008 New England Patriots vs. Pittsburgh Steelers. Same result, TD. Fitz is the best receiver at catching the ball with his hands. Scratch that, Moss does it better, but Fitz actually runs routes in the middle of the field.

Joe Buck claims the Cardinals have fans in the mid west because they use to play in Chicago..he's a liar, they dont even have fans in Arizona.

McNabb has the second hardest throw in the NFL, behind Leftwich. Jay Cutler's a baby.

CLAPPING...CLAPPING...LETS GO BIRDS...CLAP CLAP CLAP....THIS ISN'T WWE...CLAP

The Heineken commercial with the dude from that movie with Adam Sandler and Winona Ryder is horrible. The beer is horrible too.

Edge just got 22 yards....IN ONE CARRY! That is screwing up his 4.2 average.

It feels like the Eagles haven't had the ball all half.

Fitz is too good. TD Cardinals. Andy Reid should shave at half time.

I'm tired..Stacey stopped clapping.

4TH QUARTER 24-19 CARDINALS

The Eagles' defense started to play better. Thus live blog is back.

CLAP..FUMBLE...INTERCEPTION....FUMBLE...FUMBLE....CLAP

This game suddenly got good. Arizona should try running the ball more. Edge looked good to start the game, not to mention running the ball makes the clock tick.

TICK...tick tick tick....TICK...tick tick tick...Thankfully neither team understands how to run, so this game might be on til LOST premiers on Wednesday.

Stacey loves Ford F-150 commercials....THE TRUCKS ARE SOOOOO BIG...LOOK AT THE SIZE OF MY EXHAUST...ITS SO BIG....SUCK ON MY GIANT EXHAUST!!!! -chewning

Great catch by Jackson.....McNabb didn't make a great throw, Cromartie should have knocked it down, but Jackson with a great play. Eagles went for 2, no good. Akers has done his best to ruin the game.

Jackson is far better than Sweed. And Holmes....Only Eddie Royal is more awesome.

I take back what I typed before, Cromartie had no real chance of getting to the TD pass. McNabb Mckilled him.

Fitz makes another catch with his hands....he is the polar opposite of Hines Ward...Ward can only catch with his body, which is fine.

Eagles make a stop on 3rd down...Going for it on 4th.....(stacey won't watch...but she is yelling "stop them!")....1st down Arizona. Crazy play, Warner pitches outwide to Hightower...it worked..Eagles weren't expecting it.

Fitz finally catches the ball with his body..he is open every play. Arizona needs to keep this offense together, they are great to watch.

Apparently Bouldin is yelling a lot at the offensive coach...I dont understand why. I call him Terrible Owens, says Skip Bayless.

Did you know Skip Bayless' nickname is "human anus." I wish I was kidding.

This commercial with the italian family for verizon is dumb....though I do love my stereotypes.

"He's just not that into you" the movie was casted horribly from the guys cast. I didn't realize 'E' from Entourage was considered hot..or even acceptable.

Arizona scores a TD. Hightower steals again from Edge, Topaz rejoices. Cardinals go for two, and succeed. 7 point lead for Arizona.

Special shout out to Stover, who is watching the game from the airport. He'll be flying to North Dakota instead of watching the Steelers, IBM is dumb.

BUY THIS F-150!!!! ITS SO TOUGH.....LOOK HOW BIG THE ENGINE IS.....AAAHHHH - Chewning

Stacey is sick of Hightower banging TD's. Edge is sick of being banged by Hightower.

Eagles are moving the ball. 2:09 in the 4th, Eagles just entered Arizona's half.

McNabb has exploded. 3 bad throws. 4th down...two minute warning..commercial time, which means I get to watch the FOX Robot dance around.

Ford Flex..more like Ford Sexbox.

ROLL OVER MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT WASTE THEM!!!!

Curtis drops the 4th down pass....definately contact, no flag. Curtis should have caught it anyways. Arizona ball.

Game over...Arizona is going to the super bowl....and i'm not kidding..Kurt Warner Hall of Fame.

Andy Reid is fat

"The Wire" Rap

Spoilers.

liveblog: atlanta international airport

11:31. i arrived in Atlanta about an hour ago; i still have just a shade under 7 hours until my connecting flight leaves for Prague. i rode the cool little light rail train to Concourse E and situated myself at a Wi Fi Hot Spot in the food court. Atlanta is totally aware that it's 2009 and the internet should be ubiquitous and free. Awesome.

There are so many delicious food options around, I don't know what to choose for My Last Meal (in America). Arby's v. Qdoba? My brain isn't equipped to handle such challenges.

11:33. it is Hot As Fuck in this airport. I want to take my pants off. The man sitting opposite me is housing a tasty-looking quesadilla. One point for Qdoba.

11:35. Just realized my overheatedness may be due to the tall, thick socks I am wearing.

11:35:30. There is a badass player piano in this food court.

11:37. How early is too early to have a beer? I think general opinion would say noon. I say, as early as you are awake. JFK International Airport told me at 6:30 am, Friday December 19th that "the bar doesn't open until 8 am." Embarassing.

11:49. Just started thinking about how awesome it will be to have my NES in my apartment in Prague. No matter decade or location, having a Nintendo will always make you cool.

12:01. Some people are having beers across the way. I may make a move.

12:08. I am very bored. I am running out of people to stalk on the facebook.

12:10. There are two food court employees speaking to each other. One is on the phone, and the other is dictating a phone number for the person on the phone to relay to the person on the other end. Repeatedly. This gentleman has literally recited this same phone number 10 times at least. And he's also saying "fo" for the number four. I thought this only happened in movies.

12:21. Lunch break. I've decided on Qdoba. Chicken queso burrito, here I come. See you in a few.

12:52. If they don't have burritos in heaven, I'm not going.

12:53. The phone numbers gentleman commented on my "old school Nintendo. I think we're buds now.

1:25. Time is moving very slowly. There are tons of pilots wandering around this food court: wheeling their little suitcases, eating tasty food court foods and removing and replacing their pilot hats and jackets. This makes me nervous. I don't think the pilots should be mingling with the common folk. They should be segregated so they can focus on flying the airplanes.

1:42. Two people across from me are talking on walkie talkie phones. Presumably not to each other but I wouldn't put it past them. I don't get it. Can't you just call the person? Anyway, walkie talkies are cool until you're 12, and after that they're really fucking annoying.

2:10. Most pilots' hats look like they are three or four sizes too big for their heads.

2:22. The My Morning Jacket song I was enjoying just stopped very abruptly and prematurely. The next song was "In the Ayer" by Flo Rida. Scared the shit out of me. I nearly fell off my cha-yer.

2:42. More pilots. Pilots everywhere. One has Ohio sports team stickers all over his little pilot suitcase. Ohio is cool because, much like you can tell how far a star is from the earth by taking two measurements, six months apart, you can tell what part of Ohio someone is from by knowing at least two of the sports teams they support. The Bengals and Ohio University? Clearly south. Ohio State and the Browns? Columbus and North. I'm not sure how Columbus splits - who goes for the Bengals and who goes for the Browns? Ohio State and the Steelers - though rare - can signal Youngstown.

2:47. In the song "Panama," it really sounds like David Lee Roth is saying "Animal."

3:05. A while ago I switched the language setting on my facebook to "Pirate," and now I have no idea what is going on. It took me like three weeks to realize "betrothed" meant engaged. I'm tempted to change it back, but I like how it records time with shots of rum.

3:51. I forgot I was doing this for a few minutes. I realized that everyone I know is getting engaged or is already married. WTF? I mean, to each his own, but when did this happen? I feel like we just finished high school ten minutes ago.

4:14. Just saw someone with a killer-looking taco salad. Maybe I made the wrong choice.

4:25. I'm so tired. I just want to get on the plane so I can pass out.

4:40. No one is online for chatting purposes. I wish this internet connection would allow me to use G mail.

4:43. An old lady just bent down and picked up a penny I dropped earlier that landed heads down. Sucker.

5:07. I'm going to pack it in soon. Here's what I've learned about Atlanta in my eight or so hours here. People here have way cooler haircuts. There are lots of members of the armed forces skulking around, and pilots. Way more Spanish speakers than your average Pennsylvania town. The food courts are far classier than most airports. Owning a Nintendo can help if your social skills struggle. Like any honest American town, there's a TGI Fridays. Smoothies are gross. And free internet is freedom.

Peace be with yinz.

new years playlist

as we were braving the sudden winter storm that attacked pittsburgh on this fine new years eve, j robb and i discussed the viability of a new years playlist. i decided to undertake this challenge only to realize that the number of songs that directly refer to new years is rather small and that you can only stretch non-literal references to the change of the calendar so far (unless you want a list with a ton of songs along the lines of "A Long December" by the Counting Crows). and anyway, that's boring!

so my new years playlist is "resolution" themed, so all the songs refer to resolutions i will attempt to make and keep in the year 2009.


Song: Everyday I Write the Book - Elvis Costello
Resolution: I will write a book.

Song: Amsterdam - Peter, Bjorn and John
Resolution: I will start seriously looking into ways to live in my favorite city in Europe.

Songs: Grand Canyon - Magnetic Fields, Washington DC - Magnetic Fields, Chicago - Sufjan Stevens, No Sleep Til Brooklyn - The Beastie Boys, Tennessee Sucks - Ryan Adams
Resolution: I will go on a Great American Roadtrip.

Song: The Legionnaire's Lament - The Decemberists
Resolution: I will expand my vocabulary with words like "laudanum," "fecundity," and "charabanc."

Song: The New Workout Plan - Kanye West
Resolution: I will finally get in shape.

Song: Elevator - Flo Rida featuring Timbaland
Resolution: I will start taking the stairs.

Song: Love is Like a Rock - Donnie Iris
Resolution: I will listen to more "homegrown" artists.

Song: After the Goldrush - Neil Young
Resolution: I will give up on this whole "panning for gold" get-rich-quick thing.

Song: Cherchez La Ghost - Ghostface Killah
Resolution: I will learn French.

Song: Spiderwebs - No Doubt
Resolution: I will change the message on my answering machine.

Song: So Fresh, So Clean - Outkast
Resolution: I will try to bathe every day.

Song: Pussy Galore - The Roots
Resolution: I will catch up on all the old Bond movies I've yet to see.

Song: It's Not Easy Being Green - Kermit the Frog
Resolution: I'll start looking into sustainable sources of energy and becoming more environmentally conscious.

Song: Step into My Office, Baby - Belle and Sebastian
Resolution: I will stop sleeping with my secretary.

Song: Got Ya Money - Ol' Dirty Bastard
Resolution (well, not really): God give us strength to continue living on this planet another year without ODB.

Here's to 2009!

Love, Jen

Pens Pens Pens Period 3

It's intermiss.

Vernon Davis getting drafted makes people cry.

Probably me...but it's complicated.

Belt Massagers make you strong.

Down 3-2 it's not ideal...in the meanwhile I crafted the getting tall imagery.

I want nachos...from Yankee Stadium.

Third Period Has begun after watching Janne Pesonen, Fiesta Mexicana, and the Colby Armstrong A & L Motors videos.

Bullshit penalty on the Pens, it looked real weak.

GDS sucks. I went inside to urinate one time and the bouncer pulled me by my hood. It was rude and they're racist there anyhow.

St. Pierre goal...Adam Oates style.

Pens down 4-2 it sucks.

Shoe-shi.

Rainbow Warrior.

www.chriscooleypenis.com/

www.clownpenis.fart/

Robb won't let me.

Tim Thomas might be a beast though Topaz won't trade me for him. He is a big cry baby and always tries to low-ball on trades. It's pretty sweet, I've taught him well.

Graham live blogging by the way.

Summer Heights High is a real solid show for those that have HBO access. Stop looking at my dick sir.

Pens keep getting served up on penalties.

Ankney is the best at sleeping...this game seems to be pretty well over. It's 5-2. KO (Kill ourselves).

Dustin Jeffrey is a young pup though he is believed to have a fair amount of heart.

www.tradesidneycrosby.com/

www.tradebenroethlisberger.com/startbyronleftwich

Billionaires don't buy shots, that's how they're so rich.

Sobotka. Sucks.

Ruslan Fedotenko = Mike Topaz

Garbage Time is Kitna Time - Robb, the worst fantasy football manager.

Rise over Run.

FECE went after Mark Cuban.

This game is such bummer sauce.

General Cornrow Wallace. Pretty tough manned up on Milan Lucic. He is a joke.

Rubbing Robb's computer with my fingers is actually fun.

This game has been rather disappointing. The Bruins are a pretty solid team, but not the best effort tonight.

Blogging is back.

Courtney Anderson for Alge Crumpler. Double Touchdowns.

Pens Game Live Blog!

So it's already 12:11 in the third. We're way behind on liveblogging. We had bigger priorities, like going to the booze store.

J Robb and Topaz are comparing and contrasting Pinot Noir vs. Shiraz. All are boxed.

"I like the extra dry body of the Shiraz." -Topaz is becoming... what do you call someone who knows shit about wine? A wino?

"These glasses have to be at least 5 or 6 oz. No way we're drinking 3 oz... that'd be a fucking Capri Sun. Or Robb's white wine glass that he's drinking red wine out of." - Paz

So... the Pens. They are down 3-2 after a busy second period. Nothing exciting has happened yet in the third, or maybe no one has been paying attention.

The Pens are not playing outside on New Years this year. Stupid. No one likes the Red Wings.

Unfortunately, T Mill isn't here to yell "Where are the Dockers commercials?"

I have never heard Topaz sound so refined AND sophisticated.

The Pens are finally on a power play.

Goal! Goligoski. "Goal"igoski. Things are all tied up now. Alex now has two goals tonight.

We're discussing team nicknames.

Jen: Does Goligoski have a nickname?
T: Alex.
G: Dupuis' nickname is Dupeezy.
T: According to the Pens its "Dupes."

7:04 left. Discussing Stover's recent trip to the gym in Sq. Hill. He enjoys the sauna with the old naked Jewish men.

"If I had to take a survey on living in a Jewish neighborhood, I'd definitely write "Yes, I'd recommend this to a friend." -Topaz

Fleury just made a nice save.

A question has arisen: why did they call it Squirrel Hill? A wikipedia search was commissioned but was unsuccessful. We also couldn't find a list of the funniest google searches. We're guessing "boobs" is up there.

Someone who has more expertise at googling should be manning the room's internet portal.

Topaz just used the word "bogus." Then a joke was called out by everyone that I didn't understand. I'm so out of the loop.

"Jen, there's this great show called Summer Height's High..." -Alicia
"HA HA! Did that just start with there's this great show?" -Topaz.

9 seconds left. See you in overtime.

peace one, jen g out.

Christmas Week update

I figured I'd just add a post since I'm lounging around the 5534 waiting for the Comcast man to arrive...the most important note to add at present is that the Wu-Tang show at Mr. Smalls is this Friday. Several members of the 5534 will be in attendance, provided that Topaz's fireproof safe is truly a good place to store tickets and not in fact the first place that burglars would ransack.



Anyway, the occasion of the show brings back an interesting question that I've debated on multiple occasions: who is the greatest Wu-Tang member? I've found that as time goes by, For the sake of argument, I'll choose to limit this to original members (and not Redman, Graham). As a reminder, this would include: RZA, GZA, Method Man, Inspectah Deck, U-God, Ghostface Killah, Raekwon, Masta Killa, and last, but not least, the dearly departed Dirty. That eliminates Cappadonna, though I'd find it hard to believe someone wouldn't rate him above Masta Killa, being that his biggest contribution to the group might be this song, which is utterly stolen by a posthumous rant from Dirty at the very beginning.

So that will be the task to get down to. Ideally, there will be some follow-up posts this week taking you, the reader, through the thought process as we count down to the number 1. Get ready for the garment renaissance.

As always, I invite commentary in the form of blog posts (if you're a 5534 member) or respond below. Now back to the task of pilfering music on year-end top ten lists.

I miss the back porch

I have a front stoop, but people sell drugs from it. Sometimes the lady downstairs pours water on it so they can't sit on it. I once found a thumbnail sized ziplock baggie with a dolphin on it and some white residue inside on our front stoop. Every now and then someone driving by will see me on the stoop and say, "Yo, let me get a gram of the dolphin, compadre," and I'll have to say, "Hold on, I think you're looking for Javier. He lives around back."