Don't Mess With the Pens

If you do...

They'll explode your spleen.

Sean Avery sucks anyhow.

Fuck Portishead

I've waited seven years for the new Portishead album, and it's the only super-anticipated album in memory that I didn't spoil for myself by stealing an advance copy off the Internet or listening to some bullshit promotional stream-the-full-album-in-shitty-quality thing. So it's really fucking shitty that after bringing my copy directly home from the record store and opening it I found that it's warped as shit and unplayable. Fuck this. So now I'm going to listen to the free mp3 download that came with it, which is pretty much the same as if I had just stolen it off the Internet in the first place. Fuck whatever warped my copy of the new Portishead album.

UPDATE: Fuck, no, I'm not listening to these shitty mp3s. I don't give a fuck anymore. I never want to hear this album ever. Someone give me a goddamn cigarette.

UPDATE: This post is embarrassing.

Oh Titty Damnit This is So Expensive

I said that to Elicia today when I realized I wasn't calling her house, but instead her cell phone.

SUCCESS

Good advice, Graham.

But seriously, I manged to get-- SO. FUCKING. DRUNK.

tonight, and not smoke a cigarette.

Things are looking up. Leaves have been turned.

Pens Win...Pirates Lose...Robb Doesn't Buy Beer

Pens pulled off a big-time win against the Rangers after going down 3 - Dick. I really thought Mikey T should have pulled Fleury after the the third goal, yet he is laughing last. Crosby has been big pimpin' all over the playoffs, Doo Doo also was proving it tonight. Before the game I called Robb regarding the possibility of him buying beers in celebration of my last day of finals and the first game of the second round of the playoffs. He was driving still at this point. Somehow he was driving up a hill, probably LOST, and while trying to turn around, we all know how maladroit Robb is (thesaurus served), he managed to run over a 60 - 70 year old woman's special flower pot. After telling him they cost $40, he gave her $20 and hence the beer money for the evening. And that kids is why you always leave a note.

Human Giant

As many of you may know, CMU's "Carnival" took place last week and with it came a variety of events that 5534 Raleigh had been eagerly anticipating. You may note, for instance, one of Graham's last posts involving his photo at the Roots show on Thursday, which I did not attend in my attempt to make the company softball "A" team.

Sidebar: I did not make the company softball "A" team (Not as cool as the real A-Team anyway. "Hey man, you're crazier than Murdoch!" - gets me every time. Also, a question out there: I assume that this "crime that they didn't commit" was discussed at some point on the A-Team, but I, for one, never knew what it was. Bonus points for anyone who can answer that one). Anyway, what bothers me about not making the fake A-team isn't the fact that it shows my lack of softball skills (I'm only mediumly crappy at it). The annoying thing is that the follow-up e-mail detailing the cut list noted that "splitting up the teams has very little to do with talent, it has more to do with making sure each team will have enough players consistently showing up to games."

But the thing is, the B team can see what staff made each team...and it's pretty clear that attendance was not the primary concern. The list clearly indicated that the best softball players (at least according to the observations that I was able to make at this try-out/practice) were on the A-team. Also the two leagues are called, respectively, the "can of corn" and "log swingers" league (or something like that). Now, even idiot, apparently uncoordinated, mouthbreathers such as myself can figure out that the can of corn league is for wusses and the log swingers league is for the true playas (in Graham's terms). And the can of corn league is the league that the B team is in. But whatever, there's beers involved, so I'm sure everyone's gonna have a good time and that's what it's all about in the end. I just feel like we should avoid stepping around the issue and simply state that the best players will be on the A-team. No need to coddle everyone's feelings. End of story...and end of sidebar.

So...as the above lengthy aside indicates, I regrettably missed out on the Roots concert on that Thursday, which seemed to be a good time from Graham's photo. I also suspect that it might have been a good time since Jon woke me from a sound sleep at about 1am by blasting the Kinks, then leaving his room for an extended period of time. I stumbled out of bed into his room and finding that this sonic assault was for the pleasure of apparently no one, returned to my room to cry myself to sleep.

CMU's Carnival celebration continued on Friday with a show from Human Giant. I hadn't really seen any of their sketches until recently, when Chewning turned me on to their "Will Arnett Sex Tape" sketch (available on Funny or Die.com, I highly recommend checking it out), but since that sketch was so ridiculously funny, I figured that going to their free show was a good plan. Graham seemed to be of a similar mindset and Jon was kind enough to offer a ride down there, since he and his friend from Ohio were going to swing by the show before going to see Beach House.

I'm now going to wrap this post up in a hurry, because I started writing it a really long time ago and forgot what the point was. Human Giant was pretty funny, Aziz is probably my favorite of the troupe and Paul was not there sadly, due to flight delays or some such shenanigans. His gap was missed. They said "fuck" a great many times, yet parents with young children were there. This is why society has no hope for the future.

Graham and I then went to the Fuddle, and ate free food. Speaking of the Fuddle, I invite anyone who's made it to the end of this pointless post to list their favorite half off meal at the Fuddle. That is all, maybe next time I'll post something worth your time.

Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: It's a number you've probably never heard of.


- Courtesy of the Onion AV Club Message Board.

Addressing sickness

Alicia, while I appreciate the spirit of your apology, I am now convinced that my illness is unrelated to yours and Topaz's. Recalling my many spur-of-the-moment, Sunday (or, in cases such as this one, Monday) morning hungover decisions to quit, all have been followed by flu-like symptoms. I've consulted some "quitting smoking" resources to see if my quasi-flu could be related, but it's difficult to tell; most of these resources are shamefully slight on specific information about withdrawal symptoms, I guess because they don' want to discourage people from quitting. But apparently fever and vomiting are not uncommon. Anyway, I feel just about fine right now.

History:

After spending 4:30-7:30 a.m. Wednesday going through five or six vomiting sessions that took me through a reverse chronology of each meal from the previous two days, I spent literally the entire day watching seasons 1 and 2 of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," alternating from feeling somewhat OK enough to walk up and down the stairs, but mostly laying around feeling terrible chills and unable to move or think. Accordingly, some episodes of "Sunny" seemed hilarious, and others seemed intellectually impenetrable.

I got 9.5 uninterrupted hours of sleep last night, and woke up today feeling basically fine except for a really sore neck. I was able to accomplish several things today, including making a trip to The Exchange to buy every Arnold Schwarzenegger movie they had in stock. (I plan to watch every single one in slow motion.) My appetite seemed fine, but I didn't really push it, eating only a can of soup for lunch and crackers and eventually some cheez-its. I felt totally fine. ... Until I decided to throw caution to the wind and attempt to eat a giant Tessaro's burger.

This was not a good idea.

I definitely don't feel like I'm going to puke, and, really, I don't feel sick at all -- even the pain in my neck is gone. However, I seem completely incapable of digesting the burger. I only ate half of it, and I don't feel full. But I had it at least 4 and a half hours ago, and it's just sitting in my stomach. I'm really worried about it, and I'm either feeling or imagining pains in my right arm, and I am therefore unable to fall asleep.

If i could redo today, I would have done it exactly the same, except I wouldn't have eaten dinner and had a great awesome sleep like I did last night instead of potentially having a heart attack.

Anyway:

1) Alicia we did not hear you puke or even notice that you had shown up at all for that matter. Way to vomit discreetly!

2) Thanks for picking up some Sprite Graham, I will hit you back.

3) I'm never smoking again, if only so I never have to quit again.

4) If anyone tries to tell me I'm "not myself if I'm not smoking," I will gouge his or her fucking eyes out.

5)

whoopsy daisy

i want to use this blog as a venue to apologize to all the residents of 5534 raleigh street for the terrible sickness i brought to the house last friday. graham and jrobb were nice enough to ask if i wanted to join them at fuel and i replied i was feeling weird. but little did i know how "real weird" i felt until 1:30 a.m. when i started puking violently, or else i never would have come. i also want to apologize to all of jon's friends that were over that night, because i could hear indistinct chattering and general good times and laughter filtering up through the screen in the open bathroom window, so i wouldn't be surprised if they could hear me throwing up tacos. On the bright side, I heard the neighbor girl invite you over to play beer pong, so at least some neighbors were finally nice to you and you could escape the germ-infested air for awhile. i guess intestine-melting diseases are one of the risks of working with kids who pee themselves as an act of defiance. graham and jrobb--i hope you escape the disease. jon and topaz--i'm sorry. everybody--i'll be bringing down some surgical face masks this weekend to be worn in my presence.

Bangin' Around South Oakland

This happened awhile ago, and yet, it is rather enjoyable. Topaz's aunt called him regarding his cousin who attends the University of Pittsburgh, and living off campus in South Oakland. Robb and I were sitting in the living room hearing the Topaz side of the conversation. After he got off the phone, we started talking about how hot his cousin is and that she should just "bang around" South Oakland. Allow me to loosely (pun intentions unclear) define.

bang around - a hot broad who promiscuously sleeps with gentlemen around a specific area so as to not have to pay rent "Topaz's hot cousin bangs around South Oakland."

The catch with banging around is that in order to execute it, one needs to have a "friends with benefits typed situation," so that they can leave their stuff somewhere for an extended period of time.

In the end, it turned out that Robb and I unfairly assumed Topaz's cousin to be a hot chick, instead he's a dude.

House of Sick

Casualties

Alicia - brought in the illness
Topaz - vomited real hard outside the cart return at Wal-Mart, receiving a double thumbs up from the worker...missed two days of work
Jon - quit smoking...vomited in the toilet...sick all day today

When I was about to leave for school/work, Jon, laying on the couch looking way under the weather, asked me if he could borrow It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, I obliged. Then as I proceeded out the front door, I noticed two packages that appeared to be record albums. Jon normally buys records and as it turns out they were for him. Before leaving I brought them in giving them to Jon. He said essentially said thanks and then I quote "everything is going to be okay," as I left. I really enjoyed it because even though he was real sick he got new records and that made it better. "Because that's what Kool's are?"

P.S. Thanks to blogspot's nifty spell checker I learned the past tense spelling of vomit which is clearly vomited. Have a great day.

All mysteries revealed

http://elviscostello.com/web/guest/news

HIghlights:

+ Elvis vowed to quit recording
+ The album was recorded and mixed during a total of eight days earlier this year. Damn.
+ It was released on vinyl first because he feels that is the proper way to hear the album
+ Two sides are listed because it's meant to be understood as two sides, although they did it on four for sound quality.

Momofuku, Pt. 5 of 5

Redemption. Side four begins with two great songs written with (but not featuring) some great country singers: "Song with Rose" and "Pardon Me, Madam, My Name is Eve," written with Rosanne Cash and Loretta Lynn, respectively. A lot of Costello's best songs from the last decade have been written with women or from the perspective of female characters, and these are no exceptions. This runs contrary to the charges of sexism that pervaded his early career, and album closer "Go Away" seems to have rocketed straight from the "This Year's Model" era. It's the simplest and most direct song on the album in terms of both arrangement and lyrics, a stripped-down rocker that gets to the heart of Costello's ambivalent attitude toward women that has inspired so many of his best songs. It begins with some vintage Costello metaphors; the woman he's singing to his is "little spy movie," "gunslinger swagger" and "hand painted villain." He cuts to the chase in the chorus: "Go away, go away / Why don't you go away / Why don't you come back, baby / Why don't you go away" A great ending.

Overall, a very good and solid album that only suffers from its sagging in the third quarter. I doubt I'll ever value it higher than "The Delivery Man," which has grown in my estimation to be one of his best albums, or even "North", which I think is the best kept secret of his discography, but its definitely his best straightforward pop album since at least 1994's underrated "Brutal Youth" or even 1986's "King of America." Because I love lists, here is a sketch of my general Elvis Costello album hierarchy:

Imperial Bedroom
Could not rate over each other: My Aim is True, This Year's Model, Armed Forces, Get Happy!!
Blood and Chocolate
The Delivery Man
Trust
**Momofuku**
Brutal Youth
North
Almost Blue
When I Was Cruel
Punch the Clock

Albums deliberately not included: Live at the El Mocambo, Painted from Memory (totally awesome), The Sweetest Punch, the album he did with that opera singer chick, Il Sogno, My Flame Burns Blue, The River in Reverse (totally awesome)

Albums I'm not familiar with: Goodbye Cruel World (supposed to be terrible), Spike, Mighty Like a Rose (supposed to be weird and shitty), The Juliet Letters (classical), G.B.H. (TV), Kojak Variety, Jake's Progress (TV), Terror & Magnificence (classical)

Well, I have other records to listen to, and I should probably eat.

Momo Fuku, Side 3 - Costello Live Blog, Pt. 4

"Stella Hurt" starts out like Elvis Costello is going to rip into a metal song, but its sort of reigned back into something that sounds somewhere in between Hendrix and Dylan's version of "All Along the Watchtower." Definitely the least good song so far and the closest he sounds to being out of touch and reaching further than his grasp. Although the solo is sort of cool.

"Mr. Feathers" is a Beatlesesque trifle with some kind of lame studio experimentation. Will side three end up being totally lame???

"My Three Sons" is a pretty straight-forward, good-in-a-workmanlike-sort-of-way song that is about how much Costello loves his three sons. And I guess implicitly also that he sorry that he divorced so many other women and banged so many other chicks while he was married to them.

Side three, you let me down. Fuck.

Costello Live Blog pt. 3

The second and third songs of side two are "Drum & Bone" and "Flutter & Wow." Despite their title similarities, they sound pretty different from each other. "Drum & Bone" is a pretty straight forward countryish rocker, and "Flutter & Wow" is a solid piano-based slow jam like "Little Triggers" or "Country Darkness." It's a pretty good song, but there was a little bit of a let down -- Costello shouts "take it to the bridge!" during the song, and I thought, "Oh, fuck yes, his other songs like this, particularly 'Country Darkness' have totally awesome bridges, and by calling attention to it its like he is confident this is going to be THE BEST COSTELLO BRIDGE EVER," but, unfortunately, it was merely a 'good' bridge.

Elvis Costello live blog pt. 2

So I didn't plan on posting again this soon, but I have to say -- "Harry Worth" immediately sounds like something off "Trust," a sort of laid-back sound that's a little loungy, a little dancey, a little forboding. If I was smarter about music I could describe its rhythm better.

Live blogging the new Elvis Costello album, "Momofuku"

About two and a half weeks ago, it was announced that Elvis Costello would be releasing his new album -- the proper follow-up to 2004's countrified "The Delivery Man" and, as I'm finding out, his first pop/rock album since 2002's "When I Was Cruel" -- er, today. The only information given was that it would be released on vinyl only with a free download code followed by a CD release at some point in the future. Oh, and also that it would be called "MOMOFUKU." This was disconcerting; Elvis Costello is at the age where, despite not showing any signs to the contrary, he could easily settle into late-middle-aged soft-rock Starbucksian complacency, and naming your album after a hip, new age exclusive New York eatery and giving it an absolutely hideous purple-lime green-soft yellow-and-orange cover does not bode well.

So I picked it up today, and in the spirit of both its hip, nontraditional release as well as my unemployment, I'm going to LIVE BLOG MY LISTENING EXPERIENCE.

The record comes in a fairly sturdy gatefold vinyl package, and the cover looks a little better in person than it did on the Internet. (The red shit at the bottom is a box of peaches, and for some reason, this detail appeals to me.) The Impostors are the same band they were for the past few albums (The Attractions with a different bassist, I believe), and there are several guest stars including Jenny Lewis and Pete Thomas' daughter, Tennessee Thomas. No idea who the other people are (is Jonathan Wilson a Beach Boy? [UPDATE: no, apparently he's some lame Laurel Canyon singer-songwriter session musician type]), but maybe I should. Oh well.

The back is mislabled -- intentionally? -- to say there are only two sides, but it is in fact a double LP album (so there are four sides with three songs each = 12 songs). The record includes a lame cardboard stencil so you can, I don't know, tag your neighborhood with the word "MOMOFUKU"? I guess those vying for street cred will enjoy this touch. There is also a coupon for the free album download, but I think some people will be disappointed to find that it's unavailable to use until May 1 -- that's over a week from now, and only 5 days shy of the album's CD release. I guess this is to stave off piracy or, more importantly, to let people enjoy the album with a completely fresh perspective. In fact, I love the idea of having absolutely no idea what to expect from the album and having it spring so suddenly on me. Way to go Mr. Costello. Maybe that's what the title means... it's something deliberately confusing meant to give you no expectations whatsoever, a word that generally sounds like complete nonsense but has enough of a connection to reality to lead you to ponder its significance without arriving at any conclusions.

I have now listened to the first side (first three songs) twice in a row, and I really like what I hear. I'd compare it most readily to Armed Forces or Blood and Chocolate -- they're unabashedly hook-y, well-written pop songs.

"No Hiding Place" is a great opener, sounding like classic Costello gently adorned with Delivery Man-esque steel guitar. Jenny Lewis' backing vocals are used very tastefully.

"American Gangster TIme" is awesome -- with an absolutely classic vox organ line by Steve Neive dominating the song, it sounds like something right off Armed Forces without the new wavey production.

"Turpentine" begins somewhat ominously with a rumbling bassline from Danny Farghar and DOUBLE DRUMMING from the Pete and Tennessee Thomas (father-daughter double drumming! awesome!) It progresses into a pretty complicated arrangements with a lot of different kinds of guitars and keyboards before breaking into a shimmering chorus. I believe every person who worked on the album is featured on this song.

So that is it for side one. I will post more later.

The Roots

The Roots Rock Show @ CMU. Jon and I regulated the situation. Jameson + Jager + Red Bull + Yuengling + Big Hop + 60 Minute IPA + Party Wine + The Roots = Good time

Is that Kosher?

To everyone that lives at 5534 Raleigh street...I feasted on Matzo ball Soup of the Manischewitz variety (Jewish quality since 1888) tonight, in honor of both Dnotch and all of you that live in the very Jewish neighborhood of Squirrel Hill. I thought of all as I munched my delicious Jew balls that were as the box says "Kosher For Passover And All Year Round". I Miss you all and look foward to seeing u all in 29 days!

Rick Rolling

I just found out about "Rick Rolling," which is an "internet phenomenon" where you post a link that is supposed to go to another video -- say, the video of David Hasselhoff eating a cheeseburger drunk -- but you actually link to a video of Rick Astley.
Here's an example:

Hey guys, check out this video of David Hasselhoff shirtless trying to eat a cheeseburger.

In other news, if Graham's lady friends are reading this, I want to apologize for threatening to have sex with you last night.

M-ed up

Continuing the live blog...

17:00 Topaz thinks Skip S of the Cards is any good.

16:00 Laraque is weak-minded maybe weak-willed. 35 bones for a case of Lancaster.

It's pelican season.

Dupuis' nickname possibilities.

1) Doopweezy --- Graham

2) Doopwizzle --- Graham

3) Doop (Topaz) ---this is dumb

4) P-Dizzle --- Robb

5) PasDoo --- Chewning

6) DooDoo --- Chewning LOLing

Topaz doesn't like blogging and whining also, he's not really sure about this.

Bump him

7) Duquan --- Topaz...not actually proclaimed as a possible nickname

G-Bob isn't playing tonight --- he has a groin

MAF has been looking pretty solid ever since he went to the white pads.

12:13 left

Live blogging is underrated.

Sid needs to shoot more.

Robb, do you think Topaz stopped talking because I'm blogging? The answer has to be in the affirmative.

Topaz is a coward. He wants to be the goalie and get everyone to fight for him.

6:00 TV time out.

I was drawing the picture for awhile for now. Now it's done son.

Haiku about the Sweep

sweepin' senators

bring on the flyers

or caps don't matter

2:43 left

I want to please you secularly.

1:57

I can't believe we're making love.

They are ready to get their golfs on.

1:06 empty net

Hossa just missed the empty netter. Murray is taking a time out to cry about not having enough penalties.

Topaz and Robb are fighting with Ankney and Ottawa being bad/good, respectively.

30.5

Sid blocking shots. Get it out you dildo. SIDNEY bangs in a empty netter.

We say sweep you weep

gerber eats baby food (butts)

Sweepin your balls son

the pens got the sweep

ottawa are all just sheep

spezza is a creep

- Ankney

holla at crosby

spezza's a filthy nazi

ed orloff for life

- Me

flower in the goal

ruutu sweet spinarama

sidney empty net

Live bloggin the third...

Panguins are up 2-1. Sens on the PP. Robb is whiny and sucks, and yet he just pounded me for the correct spelling of sucks and because his ass got served up real hard. Topaz thinks Ortiz is any good, no one else wants to blog so I'm proving it.

Recent updates

Hello everyone. I thought I'd share some things that happened to the house recently:

On Saturday morning as I walked some errands I noticed a Mexican restaurant called "Restaurante Mexicano'. It looked like a small, somewhat divey place that would have massive combos for cheap and great margaritas. (Ohioans will recall El Rincon, Talaquepaque and that awesome place in Columbus.) I also appreciated that it was a genuine Mexican restaurant in the middle of a predominantly Jewish neighborhood -- I've always had a thing for underdogs and outsiders. I made it my goal to convince the rest of the house to have a feast there that night; Robb was the first to agree, and he was soon followed by Graham, Topaz and Alicia.

Here are the unfortunate things that happened once we got to Restaurante Mexicano:

1) It had an actual name other than Restaurante Mexicano that I can't recall.

2) It wasn't as divey as it looked from the outside.

3) The service was incredibly slow. It took forever to take our drink order, then forever to bring our drinks, then forever to take our food order, then forever to bring our food.

4) It was more expensive than it looked, and the menu consisted of more than just combos. Most egregiously, the menu did not feature a generic page explaining each basic menu item (e.g., definitions of taco, enchilada, quesadilla).

5) Our margaritas were terrible. The waitress forgot to ask whether we wanted our pitcher frozen, which we did, and of course it wasn't. There was very little ice in it. It basically tasted just like margarita mix with no discernible alcohol. When Topaz asked the waitress bluntly if there was any alcohol in it -- we cautioned him not to do this until we received our food, which of course he ignored -- she explained that she put at least a fifth of a bottle in, and there was so little ice because she wanted to put more alcohol in. This was clearly a lie.

6) The food was terrible, way too salty.

7) The bill made little sense and seemed to be a little too high. Topaz did not make any special requests with his order, but for some reason there was an auspicious, heavily circled P next to his order. This confirmed for us that someone had been instructed to urinate in his meal after he complained about the margaritas.

8) With all the slow service, we left just late enough to arrive at the liquor store as they were locking the door and shutting off the lights; therefore, we were unable to buy tequila to make real margaritas.

Undeterred, we managed to scrounge up enough alcohol from the cupboards and Coldspot(*) to get suitably soused. I also had my first (two) Jagerbomb(s) and learned about their awesome powers: they give you a raging but clear-headed drunk and give you enough energy to party to the break of dawn. My body would only allow me four hours of sleep, but I felt great the next day! Until I almost fell asleep during a showing of Barton Fink at the Regent Square theater Sunday night.

Anyway.

There is a big weekend coming up. Thursday night The Roots are playing for free at CMU, Human Giant is performing stand-up also free there Friday night, and Beach House will be at Garfield Artworks that night, where Laura Kahl's photography is still on display. Saturday is roller derby, which, if you haven't seen it, is our nation's greatest sport: hot punk rock girls covered in fake blood beating the shit out of each other on roller skates. To keep the party going, I'm suggesting to the rest of the house that we have a gathering on our Massive Back Deck Saturday night. Ideally, this gathering would consist of grilling and kegs, and everyone would get laid. For those who do not get that clever Jeff Luce reference, it comes from the following story:

Jeff Luce ran through my house at 3:30 in the morning trying to convince us to go to a party by screaming "WE'RE ALLLLL GETTIN' LAAAAIIIID."

End of story. But if you are interested in such a gathering let me know, and we'll make it happen.

End of post.

(*) The Coldspot is the name of our 1960s fridge.

Stick that in your pipe

I missed a call from my friend Joe at 1:49 a.m. this morning. He claims to have met filmmaker Morgan Spurlock of the "Super Size Me" fame at a bar in Columbus, and he told him about the documentary concept I had in high school. It would be called "Stick THAT in Your Pipe" and feature me chain smoking until I die. Mr. Spurlock was allegedly offended by this idea. Later that night Joe planned to buy a Big Mac from McDonald's and hire a taxi to do a hamburger drive-by. His friends convinced him this was a bad idea, but I can say this with full certainty: Joe, if I were there, we would have nailed that motherfucker with some extra special sauce.

In other news, I have spent the entire day waiting for the delivery of Moneybags McRobb's new television set, which was supposed to be here 25 minutes ago at the very latest. God I'm so lonely.

Jon

Jamie Kennedy Experiment

You've been X'ed!

You're on my hidden camera show called the Jamie Kennedy Experiment (laughing)!!!

There are cameras here and here and over there and there...

I finally got the third and, sadly, final season of the Jamie Kennedy Experiment.

Jamie Kennedy and I are best friends now and by owning the final installment of this glorious series, I got his cell phone number and an autographed 8 x 10.

It has been declared...Jamie Kennedy Experiment 5 years from today is going to have a substantial cult following that will spill over into the mainstream, when everyone realizes its genius. I have already made this step, others will follow, time needs to elapse and perculation must occur. Thus, to anyone interested in having your mind blown, I can lend the series, in the meanwhile, prepare for an awakening...not The Awakening, but you might like it anyway.

DankHead527 Out

Look at me...

I'm blogging at work! How rebellious! Oh shit, I gotta go, someone's coming.

Robb....

Go to Detroit and....

Jokes and Jokes and Jokes...Spaghetti Spaghetti Spaghetti

Don't get blown away...

Graham...

is an assmaster...that is all, smoke a pole!

I'm Robb I'm so great

False, I suck.

Graham is dumb

My life decisions are sweet and Graham is an idiot. Travis Hafner will hit 36 or more home runs, that's a guarantee. He hit 48 in '06 for Chrissakes! I think it's well within range. Graham and Topaz think they're hot shit at fantasy baseball but I'm gonna smoke their asses. Time to go to Detroit, peace.

It's a double tip and I am properly hydrated

Rackley is bouncing off to D.C., and so we went to the Bravo's tonight. Adrienne informed us of double tips, which are when the tip is included and then people tip on top of it. It may or may not exist. Jager Bombs were also in full effect. John, we drank Red Bull, but I will feed you some bombs.

Shady Grove vs. Hockey: The Great Debate

Shady Grove is a bar in Shady Side.

Hockey is a drinking card game involving exactly four people and a deck of cards. Each player receives 13 cards and the person to the left of the dealer plays a card first. The next person can either: score by throwing a 4 (automatic goal) or the same card as was just played, block by throwing an 8 (preventing the next person from scoring), or finally any other card, in hopes that the next player does not have that card. Play continues in that manner around the table. Teammates sit opposite from each other and whenever goals are scored the other team has to drink. The fun part is that you are also drinking partners with a member of the other team, such that when a goal is scored you have to start drinking and continue drinking until they tell you to stop. Thus, whenever they are not paying attention, you have to keep drinking, which may be problematic, but it's a drinking game. Periods are complete when all of the cards have been played, the total goals are tallied and then the deal passes to the person left of the dealer. Three periods are played and whichever team has the most goals, wins. In the event of a tie, an overtime period ensues with the same rules for a regular period.

Shady Grove Pros:
1.) One time, the Bud Light man was there and we got like 5 pitchers of beer for like 10 bucks and free t-shirts, although mine does not fit.
2.) That same time, we got to sit at a table, but the Pens lost in OT that night.

Hockey Pros:
1.) Dudes get to hang out.
2.) You get to drink whatever beer/drink you want and it doesn't cost an arm and a leg.
3.) It's not smoky.
4.) You can hear each other talk.
5.) You get to test your card counting abilities.
6.) It's awesome.

Shady Grove Cons:
1.) Lacks all of the superior qualities of Hockey and its associated pros.

Hockey Cons:
1.) Only four people can play at a time.

It is abundantly clear that Hockey wins and is the best.
Comments are welcome.

Please don't judge me...

...But I hate the sound of Fred's children.

First Post: Stews, Vacuums and Robb's poor life decision

Last night, Topaz and I exercised and nearing the completion of the workout, we decided that we wanted to eat up the fresh vegetables laying around our house. These included: potatoes, parsnips, and sweet onions. Thus, we started by cleaning the potatoes and cutting them into thin slices and then cooking them in water. Then we added the parsnips and onions also cut up then to flavor the veggies a bit. Next we added some diced tomatoes and tomato sauce from Aldi's, the best store. Before we knew it, we got ourselves a stew going. Carl Weathers would be proud. Topaz heated up eight frozen meatballs and threw in some butter and the stew was complete. It is also worth noting that we ate and watched the Pirates game and Ronny Ballgame's new away catching pads make him look like Topaz's vacuum cleaner. A picture will follow. Finally, Robb's fantasy baseball team is horrible and he made a one dollar bet with me that Travis Hafner will hit 36 or more home runs. Hence, his poor life decision. Finally, getting stews on is cool and underrated. Look forward to more updates, Robb apparently made a blog earlier, but he never distributed any information so I made one.